30th
Like them, please use me for your glory, too.
It’s so easy to forget sometimes that I’m not qualified to be even the last person that should be considered to be in control of this life that I’ve been granted to live. However, it’s like second-nature sometimes when the first set of questions I want to ask God are “Why? How could you let this happen? Why did you let this happen?” when something bad or what not that I don’t like happens. Why is that I don’t mind God being in control and being in the driver’s seat when life seems to be going in a smooth-sailing kind of way, but, like a knee-jerk reaction, I’m tempted to ask God “What were you thinking, Jesus?” when something I’d rather not happen happens?
One theory I have is that there’s a very good chance that I may have misinterpreted Jesus’ words of having come to our world so that we might have life and have it more abundantly. It’s been becoming clearly obvious that to have something in abundance does not mean just getting the good without the bad, only the positive without any of the negative. I’ll be honest. If I could have it my way, I’d rather just having the good and positive without the bad and negative. How awesome would it be to be in love and in a relationship without any of the heartache and pain that’s a real part of them? As I think more about it though, the thought that it’d be awfully shallow and terribly unsatisfying to have just one without the other becomes inescapable. Rather, to have something abundantly seems to imply a willingness to accept something in its complete entirety.
This conclusion of a plausible theory goes back to what I remember my mom trying to engrave in my heart and mind when I was still living with family: “Learn to have a grateful heart. Learn to be thankful no matter what.” I think the concept and principle she was trying to get me to learn and hopefully master before I take my last breath is, in summary form, to count it all joy.
I think it may have been a radio broadcast show of RZIM’s “Let My People Think” from years ago where I heard Dr. Ravi Zacharias say (there’s a possibility I could be wrong regarding the source) that happiness was should not be something that we pursue as it’s unstable, and comes and goes like emotions. Rather, we ought to desire and pursue joy because it’s there to stay regardless of the turbulences of life’s waters from the storms that tends to be a part of it. Joy is solid like the ground we stand and walk on. The thing is this type of joy seems possible for only the believer who puts their entire faith and trust in Christ Jesus. He’s the only one that’s come and gone before us, and showed us what’s waiting for us on the other side of death and eternity from where we are right now. I wonder if is this why my initial knee-jerk reaction of the past - and still sometimes now - to complain to and question God when something inconvenient and I dislike happens. Do I still not trust God entirely with my entirety?
I’d love to say that I’m past that point and that all I have to give is God’s, but to be honest, I’m still like a baby that’s learning to go through the hoops. I’ve probably believed and known Jesus long before I encountered the concept of Santa Clause (whom, by the way, I still expect to drop by my place with Rudolph to give me that one toy I wanted back in the third grade), but, till recently, I may have treated him more as a sidekick to me rather than submitting my all to him and his will. That’s all starting to change slowly, though. I’ll forever thank God for the people he’s been answering my prayers with to surround me with a cloud of believers whose faith I want to mimic as I grow more in him. They’ve been so amazing, so awesome, so inspiring, so loving, so perfect. Since having met them, I desire to become a soldier like them for God. I want to be a reflection of his light to the world like they are. I want the joy inside me that I have in Christ to shine as bright and strong as theirs. Like them, I yearn for God to take this mess that I’ve gotten myself in and mold me in his potter’s hands like clay into something beautiful that can be used for his awesome glory.
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Jesus, please accept what little I have to offer. I know it’s small but it’s my all, and you deserve nothing less than my best and everything. I want you to grow me to be like the wondrous people in do.justice and Fusion that you’ve more than blessed me to get to meet and spend time with. Like them, I want you to make me an instrument and vessel that you use to let others learn of and get to know you, learn what you’ve done for them because you love them so, and how you yearn for them to spend eternal forever with you.
